That event made me think about a lot of things:  marrying sooner than June, how to put him on my insurance plan if we did, moving somewhere if he found a job, and then of course Teach For America, and my students.

You see, this week was also exam week, and one of the essay prompts in my Literature classes asked my students to explain why they think Obama’s election is a memorable historical event and if they have seen “Change” yet.  If so, how, yada yada.  SO many of them wrote their essays about how they think Obama will turn the economy around, and about how “so many people been affected by the bad economy.”  As 14 year-olds, I think they had a better understanding of that reality than I do at 23.  That in and of itself is sobering.

With having a roof over my head, warm food in my belly, and a never-ending supply of love in my life, I hope and pray that my students can have the same.  (Maybe it would help them focus on school a little more!)

These things remind me even more of the disparities between the safety here in my neighborhood and the very dangerous pieces of Halloween that haunt my students.  The clowns in overalls attacking children and teens, the scariness of walking to school and being shot at with frozen paintballs, or yolked with eggs.  Ah, Halloween.  A day of tricks and treats, for sure.

I hope my students stay safe, and that they come to school prepared to focus on the tasks at hand, instead of thinking too worriedly about the outside world.  That is a prayer of mine everyday, but more and more I am realizing how important of a prayer it is.

My role in helping my students to do that is definitely to keep my lessons engaging and new.  Short movie clips,  powerpoint presentations, art, hands-on work, and discussion have all proven to be effective for this.  I hope that I can continue to help them with staying focused so that their reading and writing skills improve over the course of the year!!!

I have often wondered if it is acceptable for me to almost hope that sometimes not all of my students are there, so that I can focus on teaching the students that really care and want to be there.  The general response I get when I voice that question aloud is always, “Sarah, of course it’s okay!  You are holding high expectations for the students who are in class!”  True.  But what does that say about my expectations for the students who aren’t as smart, motivated, or behaviorally adept?  Not a whole lot, as far as I can tell…

Secondly, I need some suggestions on fund-raisers. I want to provide some extrinsic rewards for my students (a trip to a college or pro basketball game for everyone who gets an A or B first semester and a trip to a Shakespeare theater second semester; gift cards to local spots; school supplies and books; etc.)… But I am at a loss for how to fundraise, especially since the money probably won’t come from my students’ parents or from them… Suggestions?

On a final note, today was rough. One of the students at our school (not my student) was shot in the back this past Friday, and he got out of the hospital this evening. There was some discussion about that at school today. I wanted to curl up and cry tonight, but I graded tests instead.

Education is, of course, about systems and institutions.  But every institution is made up of unique human beings.

I teach six class periods, with two subjects; Freshman Reading and Freshman Literature/Language Arts.  Because the classes are structure this way, I have all my students twice in the same day.  I like that because it lets me see into their learning in a more intense way than if I only taught them once a day.  However, it is difficult to keep their attention by the end of the day; they are used to my voice, face, interaction style and routines.

It is not surprising to me that two boys chose my ninth period class to fist fight with each other two weeks ago.  I found out later that the tension between them had been mounting all day long, but at the time, I felt like the worst teacher in the history of education.  It was such a sinking feeling to realize that the safety and routine of my classroom was put in Jeopardy for all my students because two boys couldn’t control their tempers…  But, thankfully, we all moved on and things are back to normal now.

It has been four weeks since school started, and we will be finishing up units in both my Literature/Language Arts and Reading classes this week.  Part of me is elated that I finally get to move on to the next unit, yet part of me is very nervous.  My students know very little of what they should right now, especially in terms of the Greek Mythology unit…  At what point, I wonder, will I feel confident in my teaching abilities and my students’ grasp of the material enough to second-guess everything in the classroom?

Many, many people have told me within the last month that I am being too hard on myself, that most teachers do not make an impact in their classrooms their first year, etc. etc.  Yet I see my students, and recognize that, too many times in tehir lives, they have had teachers who have not made a difference in their education.  I do not want to repeat that pattern for them.  So this self-flagellation is partially justified, though only partially.  Now that I have had a month to get acclimated, and have been able to see what things I need to change in my classrooms, it is time to go out and do those things.  For example, I know that I need to be more routine about checking students’ notes for points.  They love getting points for everything, even if the points don’t mean a whole lot.  My original dream was to have students who did not care how many points any given assignment was worth, but would complete all their work because they were invested in their own education, and would recognize how important the tool was for their learning.  Ha.  That is the way a handful of students operate, but it is silly of me to expect or hope for that from every student.  United States society in general operates on such an extrinsic reward model that it is not surprising that students would look at education in the same light.

On a more positive note, I love how funny some of my students are.  Larry can still scream like a girl, and chose to do so when a bee flew into our classroom earlier this week.  It was a monster of a bee, but he was being incredibly distracting (obviously).  I hit the bee with my clipboard, stomped on it and went on with the lesson, thinking that I was pretty cool.  I had Larry’s attention, anyway.  Robert sheepishly admitted that he had done some research about ancient Greek mythology at the library, much to his classmates’ admiration.  Sarahfina was pissed that I called her mom to tell her that I noticed Sarah’s temper getting high in class, and that I hoped Sarah and I could figure something out to keep it to a minimum.  She asked me, first thing the next morning, if I could send a positive note home with her on Friday so that her mom wouldn’t be mad at her anymore.  “Of course, Sarahfina,” I said with a smile… So my students are becoming invested in little ways, I guess.  They sure as heck don’t want me to see it yet, though!